It's the Comedy Kink Meme!

[hippyjolteon]

Unless you can find anything similar, the idea for a Comedy Kink Meme is entirely mine. The Kink Meme format was originally lifted from the Digimon Kink Meme, which begat 2Bamaser's Pokémon Kink Meme and of course, blackjackrocket's Pokémon Kink Meme. (Which y'all should fill out, stat).

So, without further ado, my spin on this whole thing...

The Comedy Kink Meme!

The Basics:

1) Comment anonymously (this is very, very important) with a pairing and a kink. Comedy is a very general term, but I'll pretty much accept and go with anything. Stand-up comedians are good, sketch shows are fab, sitcoms rock and above all, panel shows are what really matter here.* All pairings - be they in-universe, crossover or on more crack than, well, let's not go there... are allowed. All kinks are welcome.

*1a) But not too broad. I won't accept characters from comedy films, but comic actors (as long as they've branched out with stand up and the like) are fine.

2) Respond anonymously with a drabble/'fic/piece of fan art. Or just comment for fun. Or do both.

3) This will inevitably end up NSFW.

How to make everyone's life easier:

1) If you request something, try your best to respond to a request as well! Preferably respond to the older ones first, but just make sure we keep this up for as long as possible! After all, everyone needs a distraction from work/school/whatever it is that you young people do these days.

 2) No drama . Keep the "comedy" in the Comedy Kink Meme alive and well.

3) Advertise. Pimp us out. Tell your friends. Keep this thing going in however many ways you can.

So, have fun and enjoy in as many ways as you could possibly imagine! Or something.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

After watching the latest mock the week:
Part1: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=oXkTGoSxd9A
Part2: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv3cWnqjqZg
Part3: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sew1Dx2cUHk

I can't seem to get the greg proops/frankie boyle thing outta my head, espec the whole pm chancellor thing. I'd love a fic based around this episode, i think perhaps they would clash so maybe a power battle and/or angry sex thing? Not necesarily 18 stuff just anything greg/frankie be it kisssing or full blown sex. :D
THANK YOUS!

[(Anonymous)]

An argument of sorts is going on outside the studio, far away from anyone else.

“I never thought I could experience anything more miserable than an English summer until I saw a Scottish one,” says Greg “Did you ever see the sun when you were growing up, or was it just a story for children?”

“You may have the sun,” Frankie says, adjusting his glasses, “but most Americans have to hire a Mexican to hold up their rolls of flab to get an all over tan.”

“At least we never felt the need to intensify the sheer unhealthiness of our confectionery by deep-frying it.”

“But you exported McDonalds to the rest of the world, meaning there are villages in Outer Mongolia where nobody owns more than a pile of goat shit but the entire population is obese.”

“It’s a more significant contribution to history than anything Scotland has ever produced.”

“We gave the world television, I’ll have you know. Without which your economy would collapse and you wouldn’t be able to cultivate that other great American export of eating disorders.”

“Not something anyone in Glasgow has a problem with as their entire mental energy is focused on not getting stabbed, or stabbing someone else.”

“Because of course LA’s got such a fantastic record on gun crime.”

Greg laughs.

“Scotland’s shit.”

Frankie takes a step forward.

“America’s shite,” he says. He kisses Greg. Greg kisses back, fierce and brutal, before pulling away.

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

Frankie smirks.

“And you do?”

[(Anonymous)]

David Mitchell/anyone. Submissive and/or crossdressing David, please. I will love you forever.

[(Anonymous)]

We appear to be a lot of Mitchell fangirls, don't we?
*grins and pets the little sex penguin*

Hmm. I think I can whip something up for this - is there anyone in particular you'd like to see him with? The boy looks oddly right in drag, but who to pair him with...
*ponders*

[(Anonymous)]

I would love a fic with Simon Amstell/Mark Lamarr. Any kink you want. Would love it if reference could be made to Simon's appearances on the show before he became host.

Mark/Simon

[(Anonymous)]

Simon lay handcuffed to the bed,while Mark studied him.

"Judas"

"What"

"Thats what you are, I let you be a guest and then you come and usurp my show"

"Oh come on its not like i staged a coup"

Simon sighed and decided to try a different tatic

"You were the better host"

Mark smiled

"Of course"

"So are we friends again?"

"No, you'll have to find some way to make it up to me"

"Then take of the handcuffs and I will"

"Oh no your staying in those this is my show,your just the guest".

[(Anonymous)]

John Sessions/Tony Slattery. Literary-themed sex, from while they were on Whose Line together.

...actually, it doesn't even need to be sex although this is Tony Slattery we're slashing here, of course it'll be sex.

John Sessions/Tony Slattery

[(Anonymous)]

"Tonight?" John murmurs as they bump shoulders in the hallway. Tony moves away just the slightest bit, but John can feel it, had, in fact, begun to develop that instant awareness of touch long ago. He doesn't need to hear Tony's "Not tonight. Perhaps tomorrow" to know what the answer will be.

He nods, even though Tony's not looking, and goes back to his dressing room alone. It's strange, John thinks, not for the first time, that Tony's rejection doesn't bother him. They come together only rarely, only when both of them can look the other in the eye without self-hatred or fear. But these rare occasions are enough.

At home, John settles onto his sofa with a glass of wine, happy to be away from the bustle of the studio and the streets. It's been a good day for him, babbling out an approximation of Hemingway to the awed faces of uncultured thirty-somethings in counterpoint to Tony's carefully calculated mix of Twiglets and dildos and Mother Theresa.

The last good day they'd had together had been a fortnight ago, and John runs his fingers over his wrists even though the bruises have already faded. Tony had held him down then, his lank hair falling in John's face as he slowly sank down onto John's cock.

"Why in God's name are we doing this?" Tony had said, panting. "We must be the two most bollocksed up human beings in existence."

John hadn't been able to stop himself from quoting. It was a shameful vice. "When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone." This had earned him a bite to the shoulder and another to his left nipple, and he'd bucked up under Tony's solid weight. That was when Tony's fingers had tightened enough around his wrists to leave such delightful marks, and the combination of pain and pleasure and pressure, both on his wrists and his cock, had brought John over the edge into shuddering orgasm.

The memory retains its power even after several nights of examination, and John sets the wine glass down on his coffee table before reaching down to unbutton his trousers. They'll make new memories again, perhaps tomorrow. For now, this is enough.

[(Anonymous)]

Craig Ferguson/Hugh Laurie, something with the ugly ties from the interview where they sat on the desk.

Russell Howard

[(Anonymous)]

Just wanted to say that this is a great idea!!! I'm having so much fun reading everybody's fics.
So, I'd love anything with Russell Howard in it (especially if the pairing is with any other comedian of mock the week... mmmmm, I'm thinking Ed Byrne actually... or Frankie maybe...), sth kind of sweet/funny. Cheers!

Re: Russell Howard

[(Anonymous)]

(http://s101.photobucket.com/albums/m73/sky_obscured/?action=view&current=EdRussell2-thisiswhyimhot.jpg)


I was going for Ed + Russell. Ed looks too much like Dylan Moran, but I will never apologise.

x

[(Anonymous)]

Alistair McGowan/anybody? Sorry for coming late to the party, but I have an impressionist kink.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd love some Alexander Armstrong/Ben Miller

Fluffy or intense - as long as there's lots of touching, anything would be great!

[(Anonymous)]

Seconded! I've found next to nothing with these two.

[(Anonymous)]

Russell Brand/Noel Fielding, perhaps with some Simon Amstell thrown in. Or, hell, all of them together. Or in any combination. Please?

Russell/Noel

[(Anonymous)]

Inspired by Russell catcomb speech at the secret police mans ball- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGRWNQAWMtg


Russell waited the catacombs where pretty effective for hiding in, he thought. He saw Noel coming down the corridor, he wasn’t exactly hard to miss he was wearing a mirror ball suit after all.

As Noel wandered passed and Russell’s hand reached out and grabbed him.

“Noel we meet again”

Noel giggled

“Russell I talked to you ten minutes ago”

“Stop spoiling the atmosphere”

“What atmosphere?”

Russell lent in and kissed him lightly

“This atmosphere”

Russell wrapped his arms around Noel neck effectively pinning him against the wall and kissed him again.

Noel pressed his body up against Russell’s and kissed back.

“Russell are you down here?”

A voice came from the end of the corridor causing Noel to jump backwards, and Russell to fall over.

“Who the hell is that?”

Hissed Noel

Russell settle into a kneeling position and peered around the corner

“It’s my camera man ignore him he’ll go away”

Noel pouted at that

“You have your own camera man ?”

“Is that really what you want to talk about now?”

“Actually while you’re down there is something else you could do”

“I don’t think so”

Noel pout increased

“Why not?”

“Because Noel love, you’re in a mirror ball suit by time I’ve unzipped it you’ll have to put it back on, it makes much more sense for you to give me a blow job”

“But it’s your turn”

“Il give you two next time”

“Do you really think Id fall for that again”

Russell stood up and traced his finger across Noels cheek

“You’re such a pretty princess”

Noel slid the offending finger into his mouth and bit down on it

“Flattery will get you no were Russell”

They could hear footsteps coming down the corridor

“Russell you have to go on soon”

“What a persistent camera man you have, I think he likes you”

Russell winked at Noel and stepped out of the corner

“Here I am, the show can go on”

Russell strolled off down the corridor to the bewilder looking camera man, as Noel yelled

“Russell its still your turn next time”

[(Anonymous)]

Needs more Australians! Any male/Paul McDermott, post-taping dressing room rough sex, slutty!Paul.

Craig Reucassel/Paul McDermott post-GNW taping

[(Anonymous)]

Hmm. I've let this brew for a few days. Hope it's okay. :) Set after the very first new GNW ep this year.


Craig loved it when things went his way. All it had taken was a small murmur in his ear and Paul had melted like chocolate. He hadn't quite expected Paul would be that easy, though somehow, he wasn't that surprised.

The dressing room was small, but it suited their purposes. The door was duly locked and Craig leant against the door, watching Paul stripping for him. Craig smirked. He couldn't help it.

"Are you just going to keep staring at me all night?" Paul said, glancing at him coyly.

"Want a view of your own, do you?" Craig said. He'd already pulled his shirt off over his head and he noticed the way Paul looked at him then.

"You're far too pretty for your own good, you know," Paul muttered.

"Oh, I know that. Now are you gonna give me your arse already?" Craig said, stepping out of his jeans.

"That depends on whether I'm going to get it back afterwards," Paul said.

"Depends on how much I like it," Craig said.

Craig didn't waste much more time. He had Paul bent over the sofa as he applied some lube to his fingers and began preparing him. Paul gasped as a finger slipped in and Craig grinned, a hand in the middle of Paul's back keeping him in place.

Paul was quite accommodating, as Craig was discovering. The man would do anything. Craig was quite proud of his achievements. Paul was begging to be fucked by the time Craig was done with him.

"Yeah, you're gonna be my bitch tonight, Paul," Craig murmured before be slowly pushed inside.

Paul reached a hand back to hold onto his neck, gasping at the sudden sensations.

"Oi, back in your box, man. This ain't supposed to be sappy," Craig said, pushing Paul forward again.

Paul clung to the arm of the sofa as Craig gripped his hips tightly. Craig wasn't wasting any time with pleasantries now. All that mattered was the sex, and Paul almost wished he'd had the foresight to bring a collar, because Craig tugging on that while he fucked him would've been very hot indeed.

Not that Craig needed the encouragement. He was having far too much fun with this. Paul's squirming only spurred him on and Craig got rough with him the more he struggled, desperate for a fuck.

Craig left him there as he dressed. Paul was exhausted. Craig gazed at him as he pulled his shirt on.

"You. Are so coming back again," Paul said.

"The pleasure would be all mine," Craig said. He finished tying his shoe and left Paul on the sofa, loving how things had gone his way.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd love me some Robin Williams/Ryan Stiles, from when Robin was on WLiiA? a few years ago. The link to the full episode is here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnAYOcTpKjg

As for the kink? Desk!sex, if ya don't mind.

[(Anonymous)]

David Walliams/Jimmy Carr. For bonus cookies, sex in a car ^^

Jimmy/David

[(Anonymous)]

Don't let the porn meme die! There's so very little comedian slash out there on the web! We need all we can get!

Ahem. Have some David Walliams and his creepy penis, available for your perusal.


~*~

Here we are!” David sang.

Jimmy glanced alongside at David. “And where, exactly, is here?”

“Where’d you think?” David waved his hands out at the quiet darkness around them.

Jimmy’s eyes were the only thing that moved in his face.

Impatient, David huffed noisily.

“This looks like - actually, no, I’ll go out on a limb and say it is - an empty car park.”

“There you are!” David said cheerfully. “Now into the back you go, and make yourself ready.”

“What?”

“Into the back.” David pointed a thumb at the back seats. “You know, you climb onto those seats there, you take your trousers off and get your arsehole nice and slippery for me.”

“Yes, David, I know what you meant--“

“Then why are you looking at me like a minny mooch? Hop to.”

“--but I’m failing to see why I should.”

David folded his arms. “You got in the car.”

“Do you have sex with everyone who gets in the --actually, no, don’t answer that; I’m certain I don’t want to know.”

“You said you wanted to try new things.”

“When?”

“Many times.”

“I’m sorry if this sounds like an echo, but: when?”

“Look, if you’re not going to do it then we might as well go home.”

Jimmy pinched the bridge of his nose, irked beyond belief with David and his ways. The teenage sarcasm he could handle, but this reasonable icing over the cake of madness?

“I’m not going dogging, David.”

“I don’t think it counts as dogging if there’s no one else here.”

And then David was looking at him with an unreadable expression; face blank, eyes cold. It sent a prickling thrill through him, lust tinged with not-quite fear, tingling along every nerve end and making hairs stand in its wake.

It was a bad idea. The knowledge, however, didn’t stop Jimmy loosening his belt and clambering inelegantly onto the back seats.

~*~

[(Anonymous)]

Phill Jupitus/Bill Bailey. I'd like something filthy and hurried, some snatched moment somewhere inappropriate, but I would be happy just to see something PG, really. Hairy chubby love!

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, I would have loved to read this.

[(Anonymous)]

I have a bad desire for Richard Vranch fic.

It would be unspeakably hot if he was jacking off, thinking about one of the other Comedy Store Players/Whose Liners.

I'm hoping hard on this one. Please don't fail me, Comedy Kink Meme!

Richard Vranch- Part One.

[(Anonymous)]

Author's Note: So this is late, but I just discovered this meme today and wrote this fic in about ten minutes. It's bad. I've also never written RPS or anything this vaguely porny. I'm sorry! I have a special love for Richard and the obvious inspiration was this video: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dc8C3sb067w&feature=related

It's bad, but maybe it'll make you smile?

---------------------------------------

Richard slipped off his seat and disappeared silently out of the building as the crowd continued to applaud wildly. He shoved the door open and let it fall shut behind him with a bang, striding off at full speed. He snuck around the back of the building to the side-room where everyone hung out whilst taking a break from productions; going around this way just meant less attention. He’d been trying to avoid that cameraman, the guy had gotten a little too friendly.

He let himself in through the back door in the studio. It was still empty. The performers were probably still out there, signing autographs or just generally cooling down after a hard day's work. People didn’t realise all the things that were edited out of the TV version- Richard had been working from ten this morning until six, albeit with breaks.

A smile crept over his face as an idea snuck into his head. The others wouldn’t join him for a short while; that was enough time, right?

He stepped over to the door the other side of the room and pushed it open, squeezed into the miniature bathroom. His hand flitted ditheringly over the lock on the door, but he chose to leave it open. He daringly kicked the edge of the door, letting it open a little bit at an angle.

He bit on his lip to try and control his breathing, which had suddenly sped up as he drifted his hands down towards his slacks and fingered the button. He undid it and slid his zipper down, pushed down at the material and glanced down at himself, pants round his knees, lower half only in underwear.

Underwear that was doing little to conceal his aching erection.

It wasn’t exactly unusual. Richard wasn’t a nymphomaniac, he wasn’t obsessed with sex. It was only work days. Only some work days. Only work days he’d been working for so long with a certain comedian on set.

It was just a way to relieve the tension of his day, of his life even. This wasn’t exactly what he wanted to be doing forever more. This was just a temporary job. He’d much rather be up there, performing along with the rest of them. So maybe he was a little stressed with his life, having to sit there and watch them do his dream job. And like he said, there was the certain someone that did it well.

Tony, of course.

Tony Slattery, his best friend, was the cause of Richard’s problem right here and now. Tony, who had spent the time switching between adorable and devilishly mischievous and deadpan serious. Who had spent the time groping the other men with any excuse, and giving Richard eyes the whole day. Not friendly glances. The big, bad, bedroom eyes.

Richard let his eyes flutter closed as he brushed his fingers over his cock through the material of his boxers, and slipped his fingers inside the waistband to hover above. He licked his lips.

He grasped hold of himself and thought up a scenario.

Him and Tony, on tour together like they’d always said. Performing live on stage, improv, sketches, musical backup, bouncing ideas off each other live like they always could. Making it up right there and then and laughing along with the audience at themselves.

It would be him up on stage there, him and Tony. Improvising a sketch that got carried away, some sort of hilarity that made Tony smash their lips together with an open mouth, delve his tongue deep and Richard would kiss back. And the audience would scream with laughter as they stood there kissing, and Richard would break away and continue with the show.

And then….backstage…

Tony would hunt him down, and kiss him again, no words. Just kiss him again and draw him into a dressing room, tumble onto a seat, run their hands over each other’s bodies, slip fingers under shirts and down pants. Writhe together with hot open mouths and lay panting afterwards, Tony’s hair tickling Richard’s forehead and Richard’s breath against his neck.

[(Anonymous)]

Any chance of Greg Proops/Mike McShane? Old school WL? love!

[(Anonymous)]

Adam/Joe sofa sex pleeaaaaaaase!

[(Anonymous)]

Oh wow. Seconded so hard.

[(Anonymous)]

I would love some Russell Brand Matt Morgan slash especially if Russells dominant

[(Anonymous)]

How Simon Amstell with Phil Jupitus and Bill Bailey? Or Simon and Russell Brand seeing as he was on the show this week. There is something so cute about that curly haired little guy ;)

Really does need more aussies!!

[(Anonymous)]

How about some 'Chaser' slash?
Craig Reucassel/Chris Taylor...
I don't mind about kink...that's for you to decide...

Ahh, crap, it got angsty. XD

[(Anonymous)]

Craig strained against his bonds, cursing that he let Chris get away with this. He'd have to get him back. Craig does not sub at the best of times, let alone when he's half-drunk and Chris is skulking around feeling mischievous. At least he'd let Craig lie down. He didn't think he could take Chris' torment standing up.

"Are you gonna hurry up or not? Oi, Tayls! Get back here! I'm not staying like this all night you know!" Craig called, wondering where he was.

A pair of hands slithered around Craig's head and Craig found himself blindfolded.

"Chris, will you stop it? Where the hell are you anyway? My dick needs some attention," Craig said.

The silence was infuriating. This was not like any other time they'd fucked. Craig was quite sure they were Chris' hands sliding down his chest, but the lack of noise didn't help confirm this.

Craig shivered. There was a tongue and a mouth and they were very close to his groin. The sensations travelling across his skin were quite delicious indeed.

The attention was fleeting; the tongue barely acknowledged his dick before it went away again. Craig groaned in frustration and struggled again, hating being subjected to Chris' teasing.

"Don't fucking move," came the whispered command in Craig's ear.

Craig struggled some more, not wanting to let Chris get his way. A crack and a stripe of pain across his chest told him otherwise. Craig lay still. That same tongue travelling across that wound was far nicer than Craig had anticipated.

"That had better not leave a mark. I don't want to explain that to wifey," Craig said.

There was no reply. Hands on his thighs indicated he was now seated between his legs, and the hand pumping his cock confirmed that. Craig figured the sex would come next. It had to. Chris wouldn't just not fuck him now. The man was too desperate to just tease him and deny himself sex. Chris didn't have that much self-control.

But clearly he did. Craig was left aching and alone and unfucked. Craig thought it a great indignity. He was still blindfolded and bound. What the fuck was Chris playing at?

"Chris! Get your sorry arse back here! You can't leave me like this!" Craig yelled. "Oi Tayls! You still here, cunt?"

Someone perched on the bed, a hand resting on his thigh. It took Craig a while to realise it wasn't Chris.

"Who's that? Where's Chris?" Craig said.

"He… He left. Want me to free you?" came Andrew's soft voice.

"Yes I fucking want you to free me. Is Taylor that much of a coward he couldn't even fuck me? Jesus," Craig said.

Andrew soon had him free and sat back. Craig perched on the bed, wondering what happened.

"What the hell is wrong with him? Why are you here anyway?" Craig said.

"He called. Said he wanted me to come over and look after you. Don't know where he is now," Andrew said.

“Pity. He was doing a damn good job for once,” Craig said.

Andrew wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Craig’s phone rang then. Craig ran for it, fumbling amongst his jeans until he pulled it out and answered it.

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t,” came Chris’ soft voice.

“Chris? Where the fuck are you?” Craig said.

“Doesn’t matter. Just… I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?” Chris said and hung up.

“Chris? Chris! Oh, you cunt. What the fuck’s wrong with you tonight?” Craig said. He glared at his phone as if that would give him the answers he wanted.

Outside the church, Chris buried his face in his hands as he wept, silently praying for absolution. The church wasn’t open, not that late at night, so he sat on the steps against the door, trying to keep warm. One day he would get over his angst about his sexuality. It just wasn’t going to be tonight.

[(Anonymous)]

Any chance of some Russell Howard/Ed Byrne? As far as Kink goes, how about cigarettes?

[(Anonymous)]

Don't Smoke In Bed (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZmMC26v7hc)

Ed reaches over Russell to rifle through his pockets. He's got a packet of Marlboro's in his hand when he leans back on the propped up pillow.

"You are not smoking in here."

Ed could almost look amused, in the half shadow, when he lights up. The smoke curls and twists in curious shapes towards the already yellowing ceiling. "What are you going to do about it?" Ed says, climbs on top of him, hands on either side of his head. "Hm?" Exhale.

The smoke makes Russell's eyes water. It almost feels like a kiss.

***

It becomes almost as much of a habit as the fucking eventually does. When Russell ask why, Ed just gives him one of those unintelligible looks that always makes Russell feel like he's humoring him.

"I like watching the smoke on your skin. How it curls," exhale, "around your limbs, makes you look almost," exhale, "pretty."

It's too dark to see his face, only the faint glow of the cigarette casting shadows over his mouth, flashes of teeth and tongue. It's not what he says, or the he tone of his voice that makes Russell shiver.

***

Some days, if it wasn't for the ashes on his sheets, he'd think he dreamt it all.

[(Anonymous)]

Russell Howard/John Oliver

Voyeurism

[(Anonymous)]

Russell Brand/Simon Amstell

Spanking

[(Anonymous)]

Anything about Craig Ferguson, please - it's a kink in itself, since there's absolutely no fanfiction about him. With Hugh Laurie after the Intimate Moment sketch or with a guest on his desk or any slash with tie bondage or his feather.

Smoke that cigarette...

[(Anonymous)]

Found a drabble of mine which (when slightly altered and no longer 100 words) fits the prompt. Might slightly compromise on the anonymity, but...nevermind :P

Dara was alone in his darkened dressing-room. The others had gone to the pub and he'd told them he'd be along later, so there was no chance he'd be interrupted. He unzipped his trousers, reached into his pants and wrapped his hand lightly around his cock. Imagined long, slender fingers.

“Ed,”he breathed, then answered himself, “Dara.” He imagined Ed taking the cigarette from between his lips, then a long, smoke-laden breath on his cheek; Ed kneeling, taking his balls in the other hand and bringing him so close that just a breath is enough to force him to orgasm. “Ed!” He bit off the cry.

Finished, he cleaned himself off and left to join the others.

[(Anonymous)]

Bill Bailey/ Dylan Moran please :) Preferably Bill dom.