hippyjolteon: Figure in shorts, shirt, tie and glasses holds up net. (Default)
[personal profile] hippyjolteon
Unless you can find anything similar, the idea for a Comedy Kink Meme is entirely mine. The Kink Meme format was originally lifted from the Digimon Kink Meme, which begat 2Bamaser's Pokémon Kink Meme and of course, [profile] blackjackrocket's Pokémon Kink Meme. (Which y'all should fill out, stat).

So, without further ado, my spin on this whole thing...

The Comedy Kink Meme!

The Basics:

1) Comment anonymously (this is very, very important) with a pairing and a kink. Comedy is a very general term, but I'll pretty much accept and go with anything. Stand-up comedians are good, sketch shows are fab, sitcoms rock and above all, panel shows are what really matter here.* All pairings - be they in-universe, crossover or on more crack than, well, let's not go there... are allowed. All kinks are welcome.

*1a) But not too broad. I won't accept characters from comedy films, but comic actors (as long as they've branched out with stand up and the like) are fine.

2) Respond anonymously with a drabble/'fic/piece of fan art. Or just comment for fun. Or do both.

3) This will inevitably end up NSFW.

How to make everyone's life easier:

1) If you request something, try your best to respond to a request as well! Preferably respond to the older ones first, but just make sure we keep this up for as long as possible! After all, everyone needs a distraction from work/school/whatever it is that you young people do these days.

 2) No drama . Keep the "comedy" in the Comedy Kink Meme alive and well.

3) Advertise. Pimp us out. Tell your friends. Keep this thing going in however many ways you can.

So, have fun and enjoy in as many ways as you could possibly imagine! Or something.
Page 1 of 5 << [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] >>

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-22 08:24 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Whose Line Is It Anyway? Ryan/Greg, with Tony as voyeur. Anon demands this, people.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Anon 2 also demands this because HOLY SHIT that would be hot.

Guess who?

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 08:31 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Guess who?

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-04-02 03:45 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 09:18 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 07:59 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
sorry to journal owner, forgot to put anonymous.*facepalm*

Have I Got News For You Ian/Paul handcuff fic

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Dear Anonymous. Hope this was what you wanted.

"Oh, God." Ian strained upwards, but couldn't escape the handcuffs. "Paul!" He came with a rush. This was too much for Paul, who followed suit, then wrapped his arms around the other man and snuggled.

Later, when the post-coital haze had dissipated somewhat and thought was possible, Ian murmured "Paul?"

"Yes?" (Well, "Nyurrf?", but Ian knew what he meant.)

"Have you got the keys to these?"

"What?"

"Keys, Paul. My arms have gone to sleep."

"Oh, right. Keys!"

"Don't tell me you've lost them."

"No, no. They're right here." He held them up, then leaned across Ian to unlock him. "Oh. Ian?"

"What?" He sounded understandably testy now.

"Um. You know we got a bit...enthusiastic with the baby oil?"

"Ye-es?"

"The key won't go in. It keeps slipping."

"Oh, for goodness' -" Before he'd thought, Ian was trying to roll over and unlock his own handcuffs. Paul promptly fell off, and dropped the keys.

"What did you do that for?"

"Um." Ian said sheepishly, "Was trying to do it myself."

Paul chuckled. "They're designed o you can't unlock them yourself,Mr. Hislop!"

Ian giggled.

"What?" Paul asked. Ian only laughed harder.

"What is it, what?"

"I've been doing too many Private Eye covers." He managed to choke out.

"What?!"

"It's just..." Ian succumbed to another laughing fit. "Oh, dear. It's just that that would make the perfect caption!"

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 11:21 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 07:50 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 08:14 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Whose Line (and/or TDS): Stephen Colbert/Greg Proops. I don't have a specific kink in mind. Just sex would be nice. Greg as bottom, please.

(Are allowed to have more than one request per comment? If yes, can I also request some Clive Anderson/Ian Hislop smut? Just imagine how shiny it would be.)
From: (Anonymous)
"So," he grinned wryly, a little too sure of himself as he pinned the other man to the bed. "Is this your idea of foreplay, or are you just weirder than I thought you were?" He took off his tie and playfully, well, tied it around the other man's head as a makeshift headband.

"I'm not sure what you mean." Greg supressed a laugh. "If you're talking about me talking the whole way through last night, then it's just another way of me telling you that you're good. Don't ask me why, it's force of habit."

"Fun habit," Stephen whispered into Greg's ear, starting to unzip his trousers. "Now, how'd you like to do this? Like the last time we saw each other, or something different?"

Greg smirked. "With these suggestions, Mr. Colbert, you spoil us! To be honest, I don't really care."

With that, Stephen pulled Greg closer towards him and started to pull off his shirt, biting at his neck and running his hands down his now naked body. Where were the condoms? Right where he always put 'em. With movements that were almost mathematical in precision, he pushed his cock up into Greg's arse and smiled as he saw the look on Greg's face as he moved inwards. Outwards. Inwards again. It was the same as always - or as much as always was these days, but Greg seemed to enjoy it.

He just wished he'd taken off his glasses. Things were gonna get steamy, by the looks of it.

Re: Forgive me if this is OOC. It's been a while, really.

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 12:20 am (UTC) - Expand

Clive/Ian smut

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 09:54 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Clive/Ian smut

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 12:19 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Clive/Ian smut

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-12 02:58 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 08:20 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Oldsk00l Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Sean Hughes/Mark Lamarr

Kink prompt: the feel of leather.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
It started with flirting and drinking in the green room after recording. It got some way serious when Mark backed Sean against the wall in a quiet corridor and ordered the Irish man to come home with him, obscuring any objections he might have with a forceful and dirty kiss. They didn't exactly hold hands and coo over each other as they left but... well, if one arm brushed another and a steady hand rested against the small of Mark's back for a brief moment, neither of them minded. Usually they managed to make it to the bedroom, on this occasion they barely made it past the hall door. Shirts undone whilst looking for skin, jackets still on. Mark's hand on his dick was the sweetest relief and Sean kissed every bit of him his lips could reach. He worked his own hand down past buttons and zips and into the heat of Mark's boxers. Fingers wrapped around an aching hard cock and Mark's full body jerk left Sean's lips hovering over clothes instead of the pulse of Mark's bruised neck. He came biting the leather that covered Mark's shoulder

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 12:34 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-11-22 01:04 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
15 Storeys High

Mark Lamarr/Sean Lock

Kink prompt: Sean discovers that Mark has a kink for him in sportsgear/trunks, when he keeps writing scenes where 'Vince' is at work/in the pool.

If I suggest enough combinations of Marks and Seans, do you think one'll get written? XD

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 08:36 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Clive Anderson fucking himself with a dildo, please.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 12:58 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Umm, this is slight Clive/Greg, but I hope it will do. (Also, assume Clive's wife is away somewhere.)

***

Clive pulled the curtains shut, and fell back on to his bed. Just when he thought he was getting somewhere with Greg, the bastard had run off home, leaving Clive confused, angry and more than a little unsatisfied.

He inched his hand down across his stomach to cup the swelling in his pants, stroking himself through the material. He undid his flies, and reached down into his briefs, grabbing his cock firmly in his right hand and jerking himself, slowly at first. His pace increased and he gasped with each movement of his arm.

But it wasn't enough.

He looked around at his bedside table, searching for something, anything to be Greg's cock for the night and fill him like he needed to be filled. Eyes drifting to his wife's dresser, he got up and started to look through the bottom drawer. She must have something.

Pulling open a Clark's shoebox, he found his bounty - an 8-inch ribbed dildo. Grabbing it, he went back to the bed, and resumed his ministrations on his cock.

He quickly slicked the first two fingers of his left hand with lotion and moved them down between his legs to his opening. He teased his entrance with one finger at first, slowly sliding it past the tight ring of muscle moving it in gentle circles, before more desperately shoving in the second, stretching himself for what was to come.

Still moving his fingers inside himself, he used his other hand to liberally apply more lotion to the dildo lying to his side. He moved it to his entrance, and removed his fingers to commence rubbing at his hole qith the eight inches of thickness that he needed to feel inside of him.

He slowly pushed it into himself, his legs spreading wider as it filled him. His shallow thrusts became deeper and faster as he fucked himself on to the dildo, gasping every time it hit his prostate. He felt his pleasure mounting and he moved his other hand back to his cock and began stroking in time with the thrusts, knowing him climax wasn't far off, and finally came with a wordless shout.

He continued stroking himself until his mind drifted back to him, and he mentally reminded himself that the dildo would probably need a rinse.

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 08:00 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 09:37 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
whose line, chip/jeff, elevator!sex

i hope you like this

Date: 2009-07-20 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
It had been quite a surprise when Chip had pushed the emergency stop button but that was nothing compared with what was happening now, the older man cornering him in the small space, a predatory gleam in his eyes taking the only step needed between them, hands against the two walls next to his shoulders.

Chip was attractive, he had to admit, but some flirting would have been nice before the full-on seduction without the bit with all the seducing and the closed space with the dim light seemed surprisingly crowded with the two of them in it. And the elevator itself wasn't really that ideal for sexual interaction, the wall with the door being a criss-cross of metal and offering a view not only of a cross-section of the ceiling-slash-floor but also of a slice of the floor above them, making the place fairly public even in the middle of the night.

Anyway, Chip seemed to be interested in him and was currently pinning his lithe frame into the uncomfortable corner, the edge of the mirror pressing into his wrist and no possible way to escape the plan clearly visible in Chip's smile. And then the smile was against his lips and the kiss was gentle and strangely chaste and his hands were somehow holding Chip's without trying to break free and a thigh was pressing against him and suddenly the location of most of his body parts was actually quite irrelevant.

Lips moved to his neck hot and wet and he hit the back of his head on one of the walls and then one of the hands moved onto his chest and the other one went lower, tugging his shirt from his trousers, opening the button and sliding in, burning hot and knowing and touching him just right, long slow strokes and a hardness against his thigh, grinding and stroking and kissing and moaning and breathing heated and heavy and just perfect, taking and giving and pure passion, his hands desperate on a strong back, holding him close, trying to avoid forgetting to breathe and disappearing into utter bliss.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Brad Sherwood/Steve Carell, set sometime during their Second City days. (If the sketch about 1:40 into this vid (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FJdXmanZow) is mentioned/referenced so much the better.) I don't have a particular kink in mind; the pairing itself is a huge kink for me.

Brad Sherwood/Steve Carell/Stephen Colbert would also be really, really awesome. (Again, during their Second City days.)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
David Mitchell/Robert Webb because no one slashes them enough! prompts: sex and drinking, angst, nineties references. based off this vid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7dmDTinarI

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:05 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Seconded!

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 09:11 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 06:03 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 06:15 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 03:49 am (UTC) - Expand

You asked for it... Robert Webb/David Mitchell/Rob Brydon

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 09:09 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: You asked for it... Robert Webb/David Mitchell/Rob Brydon (cont.)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 09:11 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: You asked for it... Robert Webb/David Mitchell/Rob Brydon (cont.)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-29 06:27 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: You asked for it... Robert Webb/David Mitchell/Rob Brydon (cont.)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-29 09:22 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: You asked for it... Robert Webb/David Mitchell/Rob Brydon (cont.)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-31 02:51 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: You asked for it... Robert Webb/David Mitchell/Rob Brydon (cont.)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-04-18 04:33 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: You asked for it... Robert Webb/David Mitchell/Rob Brydon (cont.)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-04-23 10:25 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:09 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Mock The Week, Hugh/Frankie, bondage.

Hugh/Frankie, bondage

Date: 2008-09-08 11:50 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
The rough fabric chafes his wrists every time he as much as breathes, tied tight enough to almost stop the circulation to his hands. They feel numb and cold, not like his own - in a way they aren't, because tonight every choice has been stripped from him, like the clothes pooled by the bed.
He is on his stomach, teeth clamping onto the half torn pillowcase, as Hugh eases his fingers into him, slick and warm and familiar. Two first (it's been long since he needed one to start off with), then another, twisting and oh god, again and again. Frankie tries to push himself down on them, needs more, but there's no purchase and he can't get enough and.. -
"Lie still," Hugh growls in his ear. A desperate moan escapes his mouth as Hugh pulls the bounds impossibly tighter, and he tries not to come just yet.

Re: Hugh/Frankie, bondage

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-08 10:15 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hugh/Frankie, bondage

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-11-21 05:20 pm (UTC) - Expand

Marc Maron/Greg Proops (brilliant idea btw)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:14 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This is a bit of a weird pairing (in fact I've never seen it before) but I'm a huge fan of the 'Maron/Proops Experiment' (theres clips on youtube) and I'd really love some actual maron/proops action with as much banter and insults as possible please!

*will forever be in debt*

The Maron/Proops 'Experiment'

Date: 2008-08-27 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
(I hope this is what you're looking for! It's a bit long for something that's supposed to be short, but since I don't think anyone's ever written this pairing, I guess I'm just making up for that, lol. Also, I'm not the best at smut.)

“You're gayer than I thought, Greg.”

“Look who's talking.”

“I thought you were just like...metro. Or some shit like that.”

“May I inform you that you were the one who decided you wanted in my pants and said yes? And 'metro' is so 2005.”

“It was just a cheesy pick-up line, dude. And I was drunk.”

“No, you weren't! You had, like, one beer. The day before. Are you that much of a lightweight?”

Marc scowled. “Maybe.”

“Dude, just admit it. You enjoyed it. Nothing wrong with that.”

“There better not have been some kid with a fucking cell phone watching us, I'll tell you that.”

“There should've been. Maybe then you'd be famous.”

“And you're a household name. Right. Whatever. You keep on thinking that.”

--

Greg stood in the center of the stage, miming a microphone with the bottle of water in his right hand, telling jokes to people who didn't exist. It was the middle of the night, he should have been home asleep, and he shouldn't have even been able to get back into the club in the first place, but there he was.

And there Marc was, also sneaking in, approaching Greg with a look on his face that practically screamed 'I want to do something to you.'

“So, Greg. Nice to see you. Good audience tonight?” He motioned his hand to the empty seats in front of him.

“Nah. A couple of chairs in row F like my act, but the rest don't seem to have any sense of humor at all.”

“At least you're not sleepwalking. Or...sleepjoking.”

“Why're you here, Marc?”

“Dunno.”

“Good, 'cause neither do I.”

There was a second of awkward silence.

“So...”

“So what?”

“Say, Marc. Have you ever thought about having sex onstage?”

What?”

“Not with you. Just...in general.”

“In front of an audience?”

“Sometimes. Other times we're alone...”

We? Who's we?”

“Me and anyone who'll do it with me.”

“You're trying to get me to have sex with you, aren't you?”

“Sure, why not?”

Marc looked off to his right. “Well...” He walked over to Greg, grabbing his suit jacket with both of his hands. “Just remember this, alright? What happens below the belt stays below the belt.”

--

“Goddammit...Greg...y-your voice...”

“What? Distracting?”

“So...fucking...irritating...”

“Too late to change it, baby...”

“Don't...call me...”

Marc trailed off as Greg thrusted inside him again, causing both men to moan in pleasure.

“I...hate you...”

“D-Ditto...”

“Oughta...stop talking?”

“Yeah...Marc...that's it...”

Greg smirked as he began licking Marc's neck, paying particular attention to his jawline (and trying not to accidentally swallow Marc's hair).

“H-How'd you know?...”

“Lucky guess.”

“Damn lucky...oh yeah, keep doing that...Greg!” Greg reached around Marc and wrapped his hands around his erect cock, stroking it. The minutes following were a mixture of moans, grunts, “Marc!”s, “Greg!”s, and heavy panting as they continued on, faster and harder. Well, they were minutes, although to them they felt like hours.

Before long, Marc was the first of the two to come. Greg felt an odd sort of pride at this, but he was too busy climaxing himself to really pay much attention.

--

“I need a fucking cigarette.”

“Where are they? And I thought you quit.”

“Wherever the fuck my clothes are, Marc. And I need a fucking cigarette.”

“And where are your clothes?”

“Hell if I know.”

“We're on an empty stage. How do you manage to lose a pile of clothes on an empty stage?”

“Maybe they fell off...”

“Yeah, well, I'm not looking for them.”

“God, I feel bad for the janitor here. He's gonna have to clean all this up.”

“Maybe you shoulda thought about that before you decided we had to fuck onstage.”

“But it was great, right? And at least it won't be us.”

Marc sighed. “I'm leaving, then. I need sleep.” He stood up and began walking.

“I don't know if you notice this, Marc, but you're naked too. So neither of us are going until we find those renegade clothes of ours.”

“You know what, Greg? You really piss me off sometimes.”

“Same here, Marc. Same here.”

Re: The Maron/Proops 'Experiment'

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-30 10:06 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Maron/Proops 'Experiment'

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-31 02:31 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Maron/Proops 'Experiment'

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-08 01:32 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:16 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Dara O'Briain, Ed Byrne, "Cigarette"

Smoke, baby, smoke

Date: 2008-08-26 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
((I tried, but it turns out I'm crap at smut. :( Sorry.))



"How about it?" Ed asks as he rolls the lit cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.

Dara takes out the left cufflink, pushes his sleeve up and nods.

---

The first time was an accident. It happened because of a combination of drink, heated argument and wild hand gestures.

Ed immediately apologised and grabbed Dara's hand to see where he had burned him with his cigarette.

"I don't think it'll leave a mark." Ed said when he finally looked up.

The expression he saw, the glint in Dara's eye, was enough to make Ed speechless.

That night Dara pushed Ed up against a wall and kissed him as though he was trying to give back the fire that had singed his skin.

---

Ed walks over to the bed. He sits down next to Dara, takes his hand and places it carefully on his thigh.

He runs his forefinger over old scars. The newest is several weeks old, the skin still slightly red, but almost healed.

He takes another drag from his cigarette and flicks the ash into a half empty glass of wine.

When Ed presses the cigarette into his skin - on the soft skin just under the wrist-, he knows Dara won't flinch, won't try to pull his arm away.

Dara shows no sign of the pain. He doesn't react at all apart from a quick intake of breath.

It only lasts a second, maybe less, but that is all Dara needs.

The scent of burnt skin is in the air.

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 10:31 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 10:37 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 11:04 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 11:17 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 07:04 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 09:10 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 11:09 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 10:10 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 11:02 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Smoke, baby, smoke

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-29 01:00 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:16 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Smutty Byrnecest. Cause there's not enough, and it's my guilty pleasure...

Byrnecest Aftermath

Date: 2008-08-27 12:08 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
“What the fuck? Were you so wasted last night that you fell onto each other and couldn’t move again, you lightweight fuckers? Get up, I need my sofa – I’ve lost my ‘phone!”

“Max?” Ed cracked open one eye and winced at the light streaming in through the open curtains.

“What? Get up, I need to make a call!”

“Your fucking ‘phone isn’t down here,” Ed snapped. He looked around him. “…I don’t think it’s down here.”

“Give me yours,” Andrew demanded.

“If you’re ringing home you can think again, I’m not paying for that!”

“Get fucked, Mr Carphone Warehouse. I want to ring mine with it.”

Ed fumbled around in his pockets while Andrew stood impatiently in front of him.

“Hang on,” Ed muttered.

Andrew kicked Paul’s leg. “Is he okay?”

“Don’t kick him.”

Andrew stared at Ed disbelievingly. “What’s it to you?” He kicked Paul’s ankle again, glaring, and Ed winced. Paul mumbled something incoherent and drew his leg away, turning his back on Ed and curling into the cushions at the end of the sofa.

Andrew reached down to pick up an empty JD bottle from the floor. “That can’t be the only one of these lying around if you’re both like this!”

“It’s not any worse than the shit you smoke,” Ed countered, defensively. “But if you were planning on flaming a pudding soon, I don’t know… think again.”

“You’re still drunk, Byrne.” Andrew shook his head. “Have you got your ‘phone or not?”

“I meant, we drank your brandy. We did the JD, then the brandy.”

“’Phone?”

“It’s fucking here, alright!” Ed told him, finally managing to get the mobile out of his pocket and pass it to Andrew.

He took it without thanks, and turned away from the sofa. “My number’s in here, right?”

“What do you think?”

Andrew located the right number and pressed the call button; they both listened as nothing rang.

“Fuck. I’m going to go and do it in the other room.” Andrew walked quickly towards the door. Then he stopped suddenly before going through, and looked back. “…Ed?”

“What is it?” Ed asked.

“You do know that you’re on the sofa with your brother, and your flies are half open and he’s half-dressed and… you do know that, don’t you? You’re not that gone on whatever the fuck of mine you drank last night?”

Ed looked back at him, his expression completely neutral. “Go and find your ‘phone, Max.”

Re: Byrnecest Aftermath

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 09:07 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Byrnecest Aftermath

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 01:05 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Byrnecest Aftermath

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-29 01:03 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 09:45 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Whose Line. Sandi Toksvig/Josie Lawrence, arguing after a recording then making up afterwards.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-29 08:33 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Sandi growled under her breath, suppressing the Danish cursewords she wanted to hurl after Josie. Instead she increased her pace, trotting to keep up with the taller woman's angry strides, catching her wrist and wrenching her off-balance and straight into an unusued dressing-room. She pressed her advantage, pinning her lover against the dresser, kicking the door hastily shut.

'Don't you dare try and placate me, Sandi. I can see when you and that American tart are carrying on, right in front of my bloody eyes!' Josie spat, eye wild with fury.

Sandi's own temper bubbled just below the surface and blue eyes glinted. 'Listen to yourself for just a second and you'll know why that's a load of hogwash.' she grated back. 'You think I'm that sort of a girl, the type to abandon you for a bit of sausage on the side and with Mike of all people? I must love you, to put up with this bullshit every time one of us gets a bit too close and giggly with one of the guys. Need I remind you of what you did with Mister Slattery last week?'

'That... doesn't count, Sandi! He put his hands on my breasts first!'

'Oh, he started it, did he?' Sandi snarled. 'Well I'm starting this!'

Their teeth met, bumping against one another hard as Sandi brutally pushed her lover back, pinning her down and fucking her mouth. The only sounds in the room were the heavy panting mingling of their breath in one another's mouth and a tiny whine finally breaking through the back of Josie's throat.

Sandi ended the kiss and drew back slightly, resting her forehead against Josie's and panting in unison with her. Their eyes met, their own pain mirrored in the other. 'I....'

'Just don't say it again.'

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-29 08:48 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 10:36 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Adam Hills putting the D in BDSM with anyone (or everyone? :), but perhaps especially Hugh Dennis.

100 words worth of Adam/Hugh

Date: 2008-08-26 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
„I said...“ Adam’s voice trails off.

Hugh follows the command now. The inflection in Adam’s voice tells him he better. He drops to his knees, less gracefully than he hoped, having his hands tied behind his back.

Hugh leans forward and rests his cheek on Adam’s left knee.

Adam sits on the couch, whiskey glass in one hand and with the other he idly plays with Hugh’s short hair.

“What would daddy say if he could see you now?”

Hugh never heard a sound as sweet and at the same time malicious as Adam’s giggle as he says those words.

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-26 11:56 pm (UTC) - Expand

Adam/Hugh/Wil Anderson

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 01:23 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 10:11 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-04 03:26 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Sean Lock/Jimmy Carr.

I'd be happy with anything.

Jimmy/Sean

Date: 2008-08-27 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
“Is that all finalised?” Sean asked, looking down at the list of tour dates Jimmy had left lying around on his desk.

“Pretty much,” Jimmy replied. “Why, are you thinking of booking some tickets?”

“Very funny. By the look of it, I’ll have to if I want to see you at all in the next six months.”

Jimmy frowned. “You knew it was going to be another big one. I told you I wanted to keep the momentum going.”

“Yeah, and I said I was hoping it wasn’t going to be as stupidly workaholic as your last tour, and you laughed and said ‘no’. What happened between then and now?” Sean asked exasperatedly.

“Nothing happened…” Jimmy trailed off.

“Because you didn’t really listen in the first place.” Sean shook his head and moved away from the desk. There was an awkward silence, in which he wandered across the room and looked out of the window.

Jimmy tried to see the reflection of his expression in the glass, but the light was at the wrong angle and he couldn’t tell if the anger underlying Sean’s face had settled on his face or passed.

“Sean,” he ventured, “I’m sorry. I did take on board what you said about the hours and the travelling, and how much of a disruption it is to… real life, but I want those hours on stage, and I can’t do them without all the logistical stuff that comes with it.”

“Right, ‘there’s no substitute for stage-time’. I do know how it feels, Jimmy. I do this job, too! I know you get a kick off it and I know it keeps you sharp – at the top of your game, or however you want to put it.” Sean turned around to look at Jimmy, his face serious. “But it also keeps us apart, and I’ve got to wonder whether maybe that’s the fucking point.”

“What?” Jimmy exclaimed. “No way, Sean. I do not go on tour to get away from you.”

“You’ve just as near as damn it stood there and said you want every single one of those hours on the stage more than you want them with me, though, haven’t you?” Sean pointed out. “You’ll go the extra mile for your fans, or for yourself. That list is all about you and them, and I’m nowhere in it, am I Jimmy?”

Jimmy crossed swiftly over to the window, intending just to take hold of Sean’s arm, but somehow when he got there he ended up grabbing him around the shoulders and pulling him down into a fierce kiss.

Sean was taken by surprise, and caught in two minds about whether to kiss back or not, but Jimmy’s lips were hot and insistent against his, and he found himself responding anyway, bringing his own arms up to complete the embrace. They were both breathless when they finally broke the kiss, and they stared at each other for a moment before Jimmy spoke again.

“Sean, every second of that was just as important to me as those hours on stage… even more. So don’t you dare think that isn’t the case.” Then he let his hands start stroking over Sean’s back, his fingers lightly tracing the curves of his torso through his shirt. “Don’t ever think that being with you isn’t the most important thing to me,” he added, before bringing his fingers around to toy with Sean’s belt buckle. “Okay?”

Sean didn’t answer, but he did step back, giving Jimmy more room to move his hands between them, to open up his belt. Jimmy looked down to see what he was doing, and Sean’s gaze drifted over his shoulder and began to fix on the furniture around them. He realised that, in a moment, they’d be having sex up against the chair, or on it, or maybe even over that list on the desk, and the beginning of their discussion would inevitably be forgotten, smoothed over with Jimmy’s words, and his hands.

Did he believe the assurances that the sex was supposed to cement? Sean’s hips shifted involuntarily as Jimmy got past the barrier of his fly and reached for his erection.

Maybe, he thought. Maybe not.

Re: Jimmy/Sean

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 01:21 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Jimmy/Sean

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-09 08:10 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Jimmy/Sean

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-09 09:47 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 11:46 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
John Oliver/Stephen Colbert

Desk secks.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 12:23 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I was going to attempt this but I fail at writing smut. So let me say SECONDED.

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-27 12:24 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 11:47 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Russell Howard/John Richardson

Anything goes.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
‘Hiya’

‘Hey Jon-Jo! You alright mate?’

‘Yeah, I’m good thanks. Where are you tonight then?’

‘Coventry. Got lost trying to get here. That map you gave me is bloody useless.’

‘Russell, I gave you that 3 years ago. It’s probably a little bit outdated by now. You should know where that venue is anyway, you’ve done it countless times before, Mr-’Most-sought-after-act-in-British-stand-up’.

‘Ahhh, someone’s been reading my reviews. Bet you miss me don’t you?’

‘I do not. Next door’s cat keeps me company, occasionally.’

‘You hate that cat!’

‘I know. Tragic, isn’t it? We’ve almost grown to love each other. Two lonely souls…’

‘Jesus, Jon, what’s happened to you? I thought you said cats didn’t have souls.’

‘They don’t. What’s that noise?’

‘The crowd, chanting my name.’

‘Bollocks’

‘I know, it’s just the air conditioning. I’m psyching myself up backstage’

‘By talking to me? Not the best idea you ever had’

‘It makes me feel more normal. What are you doing?’

‘Cooking. Peppercorn-seasoned steak with mustard-wine sauce.’

‘For one?’

‘Yep. Nothing new there. I’m gonna make a raspberry pavlova later. Take it in for Fordey on the show tomorrow, he was badgering me cause he’s never had one.’

‘Ahhh, the show. How’s it going, without me there to shut you up when you go off on one?’

‘It’s going good. The guests are fun…’

‘…Not quite me though?’

‘No…’

‘I knew it. You do miss me. Look, I’m gigging in London tomorrow night, you should come. We could go out afterwards, and then you could stay at mine. If you wanted.’

‘I’d like that.’

‘Great! I’ll ring you tomorrow, ‘k?’

‘Alright love. See you then.’

‘Hey Jon wait - I’ve never had a raspberry pavlova either…’

‘Bollocks you haven’t. But hint noted, fatty. See you tomorrow night.’

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-29 12:49 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-26 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
John Oliver/David Mitchell awkward sex, please.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 12:22 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Seconded!!

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-28 11:51 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 12:00 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Eddie Izzard/Stephen Fry, teaching Stephen about crossdressing

Eddie Izzard/Stephen Fry and crossdressing

Date: 2008-08-27 03:00 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
(I'm, uh...very rusty. And apparently very bad at smut. But I attempted this anyway. Sorry if it's kinda...crap.)

Stephen never really understood the appeal of crossdressing. He wouldn't dare stop anyone from doing it, oh no, he'd never do that. But he couldn't wrap his brain around the reason why wearing female clothes would be that much more appealing than men's clothes.

He asked Eddie about it once during a gathering (what with him being the closest he had to an authority on the subject), but only got an uncharacteristic “I don't think you'd understand.” (Well, of course I don't understand, Stephen thought. That's why I'm asking you.)

It wasn't until the two found themselves alone later that Stephen finally got it.

Eddie was dressed in leather. Lots and lots of shiny leather. Enough leather to make someone from an animal-rights group have an aneurysm. Also high heels, fishnet stockings, make-up...the works. It would have made a normal woman look hideous and tacky, but, as Stephen observed to himself, Eddie was neither normal nor a woman.

As the two talked—about some inconsequential subject apparently not worth remembering—, Eddie subtly posed for Stephen, showing off his many “good sides.” Stephen became more and more distracted by this as the conversation went on, at one point hesitating for a full minute and thirty-seven seconds (Eddie counted) before he could reply with an “I'm very sorry, what were you saying?”

“I asked you, do you understand now?”

“Well, yes, I quite understand what she was getting at with that line—”

“Not the fucking poem, Fry. Do you understand now?”

“I—I don't see what you're getting at here, Eddie.”

“Stop being coy with me, Stephen, baby. Do you understand now?”

Stephen glanced quickly at his own reflection in Eddie's jacket. “I...I think so...if that's what you're trying to do.”

“Some people never understand. But I think this look works for me, no?”

“Quite well.”

Eddie pushed Stephen against the wall and grabbed his tie, wrapping it around his fingers. “But, really, the clothes are optional.”

Re: Eddie Izzard/Stephen Fry and crossdressing

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 10:09 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Eddie Izzard/Stephen Fry and crossdressing

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 11:31 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Eddie Izzard/Stephen Fry and crossdressing

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-30 03:32 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 12:27 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Stephen Colbert/Demetri Martin. Demetri as top. ^_^

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 03:01 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
SECONDED LIKE WHOA.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 12:32 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Whose Line, Colin/Tony. Set during/after/in the general area of Colin's first taping.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-01 07:11 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
seeeeeeeeconded!!

Stagefright: part one of possibly more?

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-08-23 07:05 pm (UTC) - Expand

lovely :)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-08-30 09:43 am (UTC) - Expand

Requester here!

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-11-02 12:35 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 02:33 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Anything Tim Minchin/Adam Hills. Bonus points for including Adam's artificial foot and use of handcuffs.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-08 01:01 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Silliness ahoy! Sorry, didn't quite get it to the porny end of the scale, but have hopefully made up or the fact by including both artificial feet and handcuffs ;)


The heavy velvet curtains reflected the flicker of candlelight that was the only source of light, and threw deep shadows across the room. A few feet from the edge of a heavy four poster bed stood a sturdy metal pole, more at home in a strip-club than a bedroom. A tall figure stood leaning against it, foot chained to it by handcuffs. It kept him just out of reach of the figure on the bed, who was grinning broadly, and just a little smugly as he took in the sight before him.

Tim let his hand wander down his own body, conscious of the fact that he was putting on a show (although somewhat different from what he usually did), and moved about slightly so that the light fell on the right bits. The deep blue dressing-gown bunched under him, where it was spread out. He'd teach him how wrong he had been to call him tease before; he had seen nothing yet. Nothing yet...

Adam coughed.

"You know this isn't really going to stop me going anywhere? I can just.. take it off."

He shook his foot lightly, making the handcuffs rattle against the pole. The grin on the bed quickly turned from smug to sheepish embarrassment.

"Oh. Sorry, I thought I'd gotten the other one."

Adam had pounced before he'd even finished the sentence. (The handcuffs did come in handy later.)

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-09 12:49 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 03:39 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Flight of the Conchords/The Mighty Boosh Bret/Jemaine/Vince/Howard foursome. please.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 08:33 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Seconded like you wouldn't believe

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-08-28 03:12 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2009-03-18 04:51 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 04:44 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Frankie Boyle, having sex during a thunderstorm, pretending he's taking part in the conception of the anti-Christ. If it's okay to ask for het, that is. Any female comedian or anonymous lady-type will do.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-27 08:02 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Just for the record, this request is hilarious and I totally agree. I don't think I could do it justice, but I'm looking forward to reading this!

Frankie Boyle/Lucy Porter (Part 1)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-01 04:19 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Frankie Boyle/Lucy Porter (Part 2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-01 04:28 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Frankie Boyle/Lucy Porter (Part 2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-01 05:53 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Frankie Boyle/Lucy Porter (Part 2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-03 09:11 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Frankie Boyle/Lucy Porter (Part 2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-04 05:29 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Frankie Boyle/Lucy Porter (Part 2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-11 06:31 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Frankie Boyle/Lucy Porter (Part 2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-09-12 02:52 am (UTC) - Expand
Page 1 of 5 << [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] >>

Profile

hippyjolteon: Figure in shorts, shirt, tie and glasses holds up net. (Default)
Rowan

September 2010

S M T W T F S
    1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags